Rockin It at the Hard Rock

Through some combination of poor planning, miscommunication, and an overzealous spirit of adventure, my roommate Emilie and I ended up at the Hard Rock Cafe in the wee hours of Friday morning. A refuge both for Westerners and for Arabs with inclinations toward certain forbidden Western practices, the Hard Rock is an obvious target for terrorists and for that reason is one of the places that our friendly American State Department would strongly advise us not to frequent. Not that a terrorist would have an easy time getting in. The cafe and its accompanying discotheque and gift shop are on the ground floor of the massive Grand Hyatt Hotel, a gated, heavily guarded fortress of a building located on an island in the Nile River. As if its sheer size and the AK-47s on prominent display in the arms of its security personnel weren't deterrents enough, above each stall in the restroom hangs a neat metal plaque announcing, "No drugs and no nuclear weapons." A polite reminder that, in case you're thinking of stopping for a quick pee before martyring yourself, you'd better leave your nuclear devices at the door. One shouldn't laugh, but it's hard not to.

The clientele of the Hard Rock are similarly laughable. Largely single males looking for a good time, they prowl the dance floor in the disco in bell-bottom jeans and shiny blazers, foisting themselves on unsuspecting white women who've clearly come to the Hard Rock under the impression that it's a respectable establishment. Feel that hand on your back? That warm breath on your neck? Oh yes, it's one of the delightful Hard Rock regulars trying to make sure you have a good night. I've heard (though this is unsubstantiated) that it's a favorite hangout spot for rich Saudi men looking to pick up prostitutes. The woman in the silver miniskirt and stiletto boots who spent most of night dancing and grinding on top of a table may have been one of these women of ill repute--or a very, very clueless Westerner. For her sake, I almost hope it was the former.